Death / Rebirth
Let's begin with the end.
Hi loves
It has been months since I opened a substack account and began loitering.
This sometimes happens in my spaces.
It’s not that I don’t have anything to say, it’s that it’s not clear enough yet to ask you to spend your precious golden attention wading around in the words trying to decipher what it’s about.
If I am really honest (and honesty is the point here), I actually detest bad writing, ill formed points, word salads, it all feels like noise for the sake of noise and the older I get the more quiet and space I desire.
And of course there is also in here a pattern of hiding, which I have my beady eye on.
But I am clear enough now to say I am in a period of death + rebirth. Right on time for the season of death + rebirth but it wasn’t planned that way - for who could really plan such a thing.
What this looks like on the outside is
Selling up my life in sunny Malta and fully landing in the UK
4 years of riding the wild pony of perimenopause
Wrapping up some of my offerings with no idea if they will continue in 2025
Creating and then trashing new offerings that don’t feel like they are on the spot
Creating an out of office that requests patience whilst I reply at the speed of my human.
Cancelling shit
Avoiding social media - not ideal for an partially online business but necessary for my soul right now.
Committing to a mentoring programme with a teacher of mine because I know I will not navigate this rebirth well, alone.
What this feels like on the inside is
Discomfort as I unhook from what has been familiar for years
Questions questions questions about what next as my system tries to find stability here
The unholy trinity of Self doubt, Self pity, Self criticism
Grief
Deep deep trust that the rebirth will come as it has over and over before - my womans body knows this cycle well
Deep gratitude for the years of somatic practices that allow me to stay afloat or resurface when the whole thing has taken me down
A desire for rest
A desire for my hands on the land
A desire for community
Do you see?
It’s complicated.
There are many threads to sift through. It’s messy.
And it’s certainly nothing a 4 week programme or a top 10 list of hacks will help with.
Death / Rebirth / Change / A Life like this asks for more
It requires us to have deep wells of patience
It requires a clear mind to decipher all the threads
It requires so much self compassion it’ll make you cringe
It requires the ability to hold ourselves whilst we dismantle what came before
And it requires trust - my god this one is so hard
And creativity for the new
And you may have to do it over and over and over.
For the last 6 years my website and my work has been in service to overthinkers and more latterly space holders - because the world out there demands I have a niche - but in honesty my work has always been for everyone. And it has always been foundational. It’s about who you are at the deepest level.
It’s about creating the space to Unmask. Unpretend. Unguard yourself to get to the truth of who you are and let that guide you.
It is unearthing the deeper parts of you and letting them lead in whatever you choose to do/conquer/achieve. It is not about the end game at all actually. It’s about the opening.
It’s not an easy sell that one - it won’t necessarily make you a 6 / 7 figure what-not but it’s what I am here for and it’s time to be honest about that.
What that means for this space:
Writings in service to this
More foundational offerings and less playing the game
More commitment to community
How does this land for you?
What response does your system have?
What questions come?
I want to hear.
Cat x
What’s coming up?
1st November - The Unseen
A 2 hour (in person) somatic circle under the dark moon, guiding you to whats under the surface - a breathwork special. Bristol, UK
I am considering taking this online later this year/next. Drop me UNSEEN in the comments if you are interested in that.
From 18th November - 3 Somatic Mentoring slots
Choose a one off burst of support or a commitment to 6 or 12 sessions.
And this is going to be really special
12th - 15th December, A Sacred Somatic Journey Immersion on Dartmoor, UK
4 days of profoundly deep release work in the body, working with your shadow, your ancestry, your soul purpose, your heart.
It’s a collaboration with my soul sister Laura Oseland and there are 4 places left.
.